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Insight yes, outside no./ Better freckles than no points - of view.
May 17, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Yes, love is really a strange game.
My opinion is, there are three kinds of love-people on this planet:
Those with commitment-phobia,
those with a fear of loss [of the partner]
those, who consist of both.
The latter are - I think - the hardest nuts and almost not crackable. Unless you are a graduated psychologist. [she used the female form "Psychologin" , "psychologess" if that word would exist in English, instead of "Psychologe". It is rarely used, only when you want to emphasize that it is a woman.]
They don't want that you are present, they don't want that you go, but they also don't want a to-and-fro. They are disappointed, if you leave them hanging [out to dry], but are themselves the most inconsistent and undependable. Basically they are like little children: You love them and they can rely on you. But they think of you as a matter of course and have no feelings for the constancy with each other. It is simply there. But you can't rely on a child.
The question is, whether you take it in a too simple way if you just put it down to "narcissism".
The question also is, whether you take it in a too difficult way if you _don't_ say:"It is just a tricky phase, will be over soon."
The question is, whether you can "wishlist" yourself if you always look for the more or the better.
On the other hand: The demands can't be high enough, or?
Sometimes I would like to say, "Dear, that somebody, who is so near to me, has such sorrows and woes, I have not been aware of."
- But that would be a lie. I am aware of it. Just that I can't change it.
We have the choice - and so also the necessity to always decide again, what, who and how we want to be.
I say, "It could have been our summer."
He says, "Yes, and then our winter and then it would be again our year, and then would come another and another and whenever one would seperate, it would hurt more. Perhaps this year we will sit happily together under the Christmas tree - but a year later you are or I am alone again and sad."
And I say, "Why? Then it would just have been our 5 years. Or 10. One shouldn't always act on the assumption that you separate under close temporal proximity [yes, I know that this kind of bureaucratic, high level term, often used in business, doesn't fit in here, but Tessa used not "soon" ("bald" in German), but "zeitnah", which has exactly the meaning of that term and is also almost never used in spoken language.] One simply could hang in there."
And he says, "But I want my freedom at any price!"
And I say, "But weren't it you who said in the beginning, he wants something future-oriented? "That all is on the course to the future", so you said."
And he says, "Yes, but now we are in the future."
And I say, "No, we are in the present."
And he says, "Hm."
Then we stare at each other for a while and I add, "... Like a lioness."
And he says, "Like an ostrich."
But no love also feels different somehow.
In this spirit...
Tessa.
PS:
"The love is friendly and patient.
It does not know jealousy nor selfishness.
It is neither big-headed nor does it boast.
It is neither hurting nor centered on itself.
It is neither of short temper nor resentful.
The lover bears all and believes all, it hopes all and withstands all."
and:
"It is nonsense, says the rationality.
It is mishap, says the determination.
It nothing but pain, says the insight.
It is ridiculous, says the pride.
It is lighthearted, says the caution.
It is impossible, says the experience.
It is, what it is, says the love."
but also:
"What do I need freedom? Bliss is only that I love, that I strive for melting in her wishes, in her thoughts, so that I do not have any freedom at all - that only is, what bliss is about!"
[as usual, everything in square brackets in a smaller font is not written by Tessa, but by me.]
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and asked: "Don't you have that?"